You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
