Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
even my farts smell like vagina
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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