So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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