10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
