Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
