good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
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As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips