you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.