Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.