Texts From Last Night

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I heard you threw up in your lap?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  I heard that too.

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  (541): I heard you threw up in your lap? (1-541): I heard that too. http://tfl.nu/s86w
  Replies (9) Good night (1705) Bad night (3697)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.

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  (416): He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French. http://tfl.nu/rqrw
  Replies (81) Good night (1087) Bad night (5860)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  hows the new call of duty?

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.

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  (207): hows the new call of duty? (1-207): I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome. http://tfl.nu/zewm
  Replies (78) Good night (5641) Bad night (1075)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.

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  (850): you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster. http://tfl.nu/wnb4
  Replies (25) Good night (7546) Bad night (897)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.

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  (248): I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice. http://tfl.nu/zl11
  Replies (22) Good night (979) Bad night (6638)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

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  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (83) Good night (34402) Bad night (1639)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.

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  (603): I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again. http://tfl.nu/0sqv
  Replies (23) Good night (1581) Bad night (4889)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together

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  (480): I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together http://tfl.nu/zzdp
  Replies (50) Good night (3738) Bad night (5520)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.

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  (978): who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name. http://tfl.nu/fmfw
  Replies (16) Good night (1198) Bad night (4729)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.

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  (251): And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day. http://tfl.nu/qr88
  Replies (9) Good night (2772) Bad night (764)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night

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  (815): I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night http://tfl.nu/p9mu
  Replies (5) Good night (1177) Bad night (2449)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair

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  (908): i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair http://tfl.nu/bwcm
  Replies (21) Good night (7276) Bad night (1182)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard

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  (519): You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard http://tfl.nu/bgm2
  Replies (7) Good night (2533) Bad night (833)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo

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  (803): i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo http://tfl.nu/7ggy
  Replies (1) Good night (458) Bad night (919)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.

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  (203): I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food. http://tfl.nu/xhm6
  Replies (1) Good night (516) Bad night (379)

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