Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them

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  (269): I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them http://tfl.nu/yhv5
  Replies (2) Good night (1596) Bad night (813)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.

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  (314): I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis. http://tfl.nu/ymag
  Replies (16) Good night (5079) Bad night (717)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.

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  (219): I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives. http://tfl.nu/v9m4
  Replies (11) Good night (7925) Bad night (1455)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.

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  (613): I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/hw5l
  Replies (9) Good night (3534) Bad night (1094)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  No that means he must've used the nipple clamps

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  (479): No that means he must've used the nipple clamps http://tfl.nu/kmo2
  Replies (4) Good night (2133) Bad night (1268)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Are you in a cab?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?

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  (312): Are you in a cab? (908): I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka? http://tfl.nu/9mwy
  Replies (3) Good night (2603) Bad night (990)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.

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  (519): That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked. http://tfl.nu/ff8s
  Replies (9) Good night (767) Bad night (2581)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.

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  (757): some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs. http://tfl.nu/d9oe
  Replies (9) Good night (3567) Bad night (1010)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient

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  (206): She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient http://tfl.nu/4t82
  Replies (1) Good night (1774) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.

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  (603): Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight. http://tfl.nu/c8kn
  Replies (6) Good night (1276) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.

  (858): View more from California

  That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.

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  (317): They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof. (858): That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car. http://tfl.nu/twx7
  Replies (6) Good night (818) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys

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  (240): i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys http://tfl.nu/z1wp
  Replies (3) Good night (601) Bad night (1010)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.

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  (410): You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple. http://tfl.nu/ksa4
  Replies (3) Good night (1041) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?

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  (515): I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life? http://tfl.nu/joka
  Replies (0) Good night (691) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."

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  (361): u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.." http://tfl.nu/49fj
  Replies (1) Good night (388) Bad night (326)

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