I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
