wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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