And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
