Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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