Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Im part way to drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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