I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
