i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
