yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I need to stop coming to work sober
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
