i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
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i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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