I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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