my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
