Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
