her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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