Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
