Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
