just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
