I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's shark week go big or go home
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
