Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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