meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
