he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
