I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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