Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish my penis had an off switch
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
