I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
