yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
