I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Can I color on your dick again?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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