3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize