is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's just like the Real World with babies
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
