now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
