There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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