His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you would pick up someone in the library
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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