I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
