So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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