Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
