God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
