I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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