so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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