I've blown a few things in my day
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
