Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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