i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you win again, gameday.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Randomize
