that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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