i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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