I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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