I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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