she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
