went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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