Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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