is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize