i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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