it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
