i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
