I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have already put on my inside pants.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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