Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
