You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
