i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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