You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize