It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
