I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
